roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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