you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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