I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
