Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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