dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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