saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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