This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
