I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
