I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
