she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize