I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize