Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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