How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
