Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
