u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize