I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
