Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
