Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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