You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize