Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
