I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
