My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
