remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Someone came in the potted fern
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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