so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
