i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
