dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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