so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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