thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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