just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
