We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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