whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
