i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
