Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
