Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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