I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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