My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
