Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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