Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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