Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
