Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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