Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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