Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
