At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You don't make any sense
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