I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
