Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
