I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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