is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
