be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
