Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
