I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
