I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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