So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
