I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
