I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
