She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
