I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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