tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
