well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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