Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize